Can Grief Cause Anxiety? Exploring the Connection and Coping Strategies

Anxiety can be a tough emotion to navigate, especially when you're already dealing with the overwhelming feelings that come with grief. But what exactly is anxiety? According to Brene Brown in her book Atlas of the Heart, anxiety is defined as an escalating loss of control, worst-case scenario thinking, and total uncertainty. It manifests as tension, worried thoughts, and physical symptoms like increased blood pressure. Worry, often accompanying anxiety, is the thinking part—it's not an emotion, but rather the mental loop that keeps us trapped in anxiety.

Understanding Anxiety and Its Connection to Grief

When you're grieving, anxiety often amplifies. You might find yourself worrying about your financial future, especially if your loved one was the primary breadwinner. Suddenly, you're thrust into a new reality where you have to figure everything out on your own. You might also become anxious about other potential losses—if this person could die, who else might be next? These thoughts are common and can feel relentless, turning what was once a manageable level of anxiety into something much more intense.

The Impact of Grief on Anxiety

Claire Bidwell Smith, in her book Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief, notes that after losing a loved one, many of our fears feel more threatening. This heightened sense of dread, combined with the intense emotions of grief, can make anxiety feel unbearable. It's as if all these emotions—fear, sadness, uncertainty—are swirling around in a big, blobby mess, and you're right in the middle of it.

Early in the grieving process, emotions are particularly intense. You might feel paralyzed by the weight of it all, unable to get out of bed, eat, or even do something as simple as go to the grocery store. For some, the thought of encountering someone they know while out in public can trigger anxiety. What if you run into someone who hasn’t reached out since your loss? The dread of such encounters can make you want to avoid going out altogether.

The Physical Effects of Grief-Induced Anxiety

Anxiety doesn't just affect your mind; it also impacts your body. You might notice physical symptoms like fatigue, restlessness, shortness of breath, or a racing heart. These are all manifestations of the anxiety and worry swirling in your mind. But here’s the thing—while anxiety itself can feel out of control, worry, which is the thinking part of anxiety, is something you can manage.

Managing Anxiety During Significant Grief Milestones

One common source of anxiety in grief is the anticipation of significant dates—birthdays, anniversaries, holidays—without your loved one. The build-up to these events can often feel worse than the day itself. You might find yourself caught in a hamster wheel of thoughts, wondering how you'll cope.

Using Journaling to Process Your Worries

Writing down your worries can help. Get those thoughts out of your head and onto paper. It doesn't have to be a full journal entry, just notes to help you process what you might need or what might happen on those days.

This strategy of writing things down has been incredibly helpful for many, including those who've experienced multiple losses. It's a way to give your mind a break from the constant worry and allow yourself to see things from a different perspective.

Techniques to Reduce Grief-Related Anxiety

Several techniques can help manage anxiety as you work through grief.

Grounding Yourself in the Present Moment

Megan Devine, in her book It's Ok That You're Not Ok, shares an exercise she uses to calm her clients. When she was overwhelmed with anxiety, she'd focus on something mundane outside of herself—like finding five orange objects or three green ones. This simple exercise helps pull your attention away from your worries and allows you to calm down enough to take a deep breath and move forward.

A similar method involves using your five senses: name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, and so on. This grounding technique helps shift your focus away from your anxious thoughts and back into the present moment.

Breathing Exercises to Calm Your Mind

When you're feeling particularly anxious, try a simple breathing exercise. Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and inhale through your nose for a count of four. Then, exhale through your nose for a count of six. Repeat this a few times and notice how you feel afterward. This type of breathing activates your vagus nerve, which tells your heart to slow down, reducing your body's fight-or-flight response.

Conclusion: Acknowledging and Managing Grief-Related Anxiety

Remember, it's important to acknowledge your emotions rather than letting them fester inside. Anxiety can have a significant physical impact, and while worry is a natural part of anxiety, it's also something you can work to control. By using these techniques—writing down your thoughts, grounding yourself with sensory exercises, and practicing calming breaths—you can begin to manage your anxiety as you navigate the difficult path of grief.

Looking for more ways to help you on your grief journey? Learn about my upcoming program 5 Weeks to Grief Relief.