Sometimes It's Hard to Let It Be

“When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be”

1970 The Beatles

Hello Dear Reader;

How are you today?  I don’t know your situation, but I suspect we’ve been feeling very similar emotions.  I realized yesterday that the emotions I’ve been feeling – disjointed, sad, frustrated, a feeling of being in a surreal time, loss of control – I’ve experienced with other losses in my life.   This is a feeling of grief.  Grief from a loss of “normal life”.   There are recent articles about this state of grief like The Pandemic of Grief, and  A Pandemic of Grief and I suspect we’ll see more.  

Having realized that I’m in the grieving process, I started to do what I’ve done before when faced with loss.  I realize that everyone grieves differently and that my process and yours may be very different, but I’d like to share mine as you might find it helpful.

First, I acknowledge that I have little control over this situation.  Mind you, sometimes I have to remind myself of this, multiple times during the day.  Second, I acknowledge these feelings and recognize that for a while, these feelings are part of my “new normal”.  Next, I make a list of things to do each day – and try to do most of them.  And finally, I let everything be – I try to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.

The acknowledgment is a part of the process of letting go or letting things be. In this blog by Melody Beattie, she writes, “ Letting go is a behavior we can practice each day, whatever the circumstances in our lives”.  For me, this means letting the emotions happen – feel them, don’t hide them or resist them – but also try not to react to them.   Note:  this is not easy!

Which is where the list building is helpful to me.  List building gives a sense of control.  There is a sense of accomplishment when you cross an item off the list.  And, whatever you don’t complete today, can be the start of tomorrow’s list.  Your list should contain items that you have a good chance of accomplishing that day.  Don’t try to put things on the list that you know can’t be done, especially if you are feeling low.  

Remember, the purpose of the list is to make you feel good so go easy on yourself!

As I build my daily lists during this time of crisis, I try to have an item for each of the categories listed below. Why?  Because they bring me into balance.   That doesn’t mean the feelings I mentioned earlier are magically gone – because they are still here.  They are just softened, not front of mind.   I’m letting them be.

Suggested Categories for A Daily List

Here are some categories to use for your list.  How much time you spend on each item is up to you.  

Make Time for Silence – Finding time for silence – meditation, prayer, or quiet solitude will help you feel more grounded.  Decide how much time is right for you.   

Spark Your Creativity.  What activity gets your creative juices flowing? Are you a knitter?  Painter?  How about coloring a mandala? 

Build Your Confidence – Try something that challenges you.  Maybe it’s tackling a home repair project or baking your first cake.  Build up your exercise routine – walk an extra block or add 5 minutes to your routine. 

Share Some Love– Check on a neighbor, call a loved one.  Don’t forget to do something for yourself too!  Maybe now is a good time to take a bubble bath!

Express Yourself –Phone or send a card or a note to a friend and share how you are feeling.  Or, keep a journal and write down your thoughts and feelings.  These actions help to release emotions, get things off your chest so you will feel relief.

Enjoy Time in the Sunlight – Go for a walk, work in your garden or sit and read by a sunny window.  Soak up the sun whenever you can.  

Relax and Let it Be – Check-in with yourself – maybe at the end of the day.  Notice how you are feeling - physically, emotionally, energetically, mentally. Relax, reflect and just notice.